From WPTC News in Arizona, I'm Wi-... I'm Crab Thursday, and this is All The Things We Considered.

Following the Pxtunes theme election, members of congress gathered to decide the first Pxtunes project of 2023. After a grueling 48 hours, an unknown spokesperson emerged from the capitol announcing "crab" as the latest Pxtunes project. The resulting excitement quickly spread across the country. Government officials including president ja🦀cheese changed their names, infusing crustacean terminology with their previous.

Strict guidelines are to be followed for all contributions. Music must be composed using pxtone or ptCollab. Choosing to use any other software will result in a criminal sentence. Submissions are due by March 9th, national crab meat day. Late submissions will be incinerated followed by a felony charge. Questions relating to the project may or may not receive a response in greater detail than "crab".

Many composers participated in philosophical discussions to better understand the meaning of crab. What is a crab? Why is crab? Where do crabs come from? One discussion turned hasty when the divided sides argued over what makes a true crab a crab. PT-cops successfully escalated the situation beyond reason, making the crowd forget what they were arguing about in the first place. WPTC reporters on scene described the debacle as "silly".

Listeners reached out to WPTC news expressing deep concerns relating to the January 6th insurrection. Who are the religious extremists? Where did they come from? Why did they raid the capitol? Their religious leader broke into WPTC news today demanding an interview. Security failed to protect me. I'm currently locked in the studio today with Dr. U-Rah-Eh Eh-Borro, professor of carcinology, high priestess, and mother of 100,000.

Crab Thursday: Dr. Eh-Borro, thank you for joining us today.
Dr. Eh-Borro: (indecipherable)
CT: You were present during the insurrection, is that correct?
E-B: (affirmative crab wail)
CT: I understand. Is that why you're here today?
E-B: (more crab sounds)
CT: Interesting. What can you tell us about your religion?
E-B: (crab explanation)
CT: Wow, that was very beautiful-
E-B: (angry crab interjection)
CT: I am so very sorry. Please do not pinch me. Continue.
E-B: (further crab explanation)
CT: You laid eggs underneath the floorboards??
E-B: (crab correction)
CT: They aren't your eggs?
E-B: (crab elaboration)
CT: When will they hatch?
E-B: (crab clarification)
CT: They won't hatch?
E-B: (lengthy crab groaning)
CT: Very interesting. Well, given the latest Pxtunes project, what inspiration can you give our composers?
E-B: (crab inspiration)
CT: (laughs) That's so funny, I didn't know crabs did that.
E-B: (crab threat)
CT: No, I am not laughing because I am afraid of you.
E-B: (crab assertion of dominance)
CT: Absolutely, you can have the studio. Lay all the eggs you guys need.
E-B: (crab gratification)
CT: Can I sign off the air?
E-B: (crab permission)

WPTC News: Arizona